No one reads.

I’m just a shadow passing by
No words spoken, no actions done.
When the sun sets
I’ll fade quietly
No sound made, no one realized.

I tried to speak.
I tried to shout.
So much to say,
Yet left unspoken.
I tried to hold you
I tried to feel you
So much to do
Yet not a chance to.

Did you ever realise my existence.
Or am I really just a shadow passing by?
Did you cry when I fade
Did you listen to what I tried to say.
Did you reach out when I tried to hold
Did you try to make me stay.

I’m just a shadow passing by
Not a tear, not given a chance.
Not a smile, not given a reason.
Not a cry, not given a shoulder.
Not a laugh, not given the joy.

"You never try, you never know it." -oni.

I never say I'm not going to try.
It's just a matter of time.
Yes, I'm running away from it now, but that doesn't mean I'm planning and /will/ run away from it forever.

And I can't risk whatever I have with him now. Be it friendship or just classmates. Whatever I say, whatever I do, I don't want them to ruin what I've now. I don't want just one minute of cong dong ( I forgot the English term for it. ) to ruin what I've been trying to maintain.

Please don't ask me to use the ways you used.
'Cause we're different.
Way different.



I chose to sink.
I kept believing.
Not wanting to think,
you don't feel a thing.

That I'm afraid.

Time just passes by so damn fast, which is starting to freak me out.
No, I'm not talking about O's and exams and anything related to that...
( 'course, I'm still /very/ afraid of it... )

I'm just shocked by how fast a day ends.
It's too short, seriously.
I don't want it to end so quickly.
I don't know why either, I just hope a day will last longer.
I was having dinner just now. And while eating, I took a glance at the clock.
And it was 9plus.
I always have dinner really early, like, 4plus or something.
So, when I saw the time, I kinda panicked.
I was like, it's SO LATE?

ah, damn it.
I don't know how to continue this post.

Moving on...
Yeah, so I was at LH's blog just now.
And I saw him congratulating people who got A for their MT paper.
And I wasn't in the list of names.
I got an A too.
No no no, don't get me wrong... I'm not unhappy over this.
In fact, I'm just... attacked with insecurities.
Questions like, " Why isn't my name there? Is it because he dislike me, that's why he don't wanna put my name in? Is it because, by putting my name in, irks him? " so on and so forth...
I know, I'm such a worrier.

Little actions, simple words, will affect me for... god knows how long.
And I hate being like this.
I don't know, I don't want people to have a bad impression of me.
Ah, if only I've known this will happen, I wouldn't start reading any blogs at all.




A day should be longer,
for I don't know when,
I'll never have the chance,
to experience life like this, again.

When you came into my life
You're just like a knife
Slicing through me everytime.

I could no longer see
what my priority is
because you became part of me.

You took away my smiles
and intruded my dreams
gave me my tears
gave me reasons to cry.

Everytime I looked at you
and wonder if those wishes will come true
I know I'm such a fool
for making you
a part of me too.

I don't wanna be a slave of yours
I hate the feeling of being lost
It doesn't feel good at all
So please leave me alone
Hurt me once and for all
I don't wanna be yours
Please just let me go
Just let me go.

When you came into my life
I kept asking myself why
why didn't I just die.

Everytime you say hi
I wish it'd be a bye
an eternally bye
'cause I hate you
for being part of my life.



Knowing you, is a beautiful mistake.

Alright.
I've actually got no idea what to blog about. Hence, the title.
You can roughly expect what this post is about and what quality to expect. ( Not that I've written really goooood posts at all, butstill.)
Yeah, so the picture was taken at Sentosa. The SouthernMost Point of Asia Continent, located in Sentosa, to be exact.
Ask me what I like about the picture and I'll definitely say... HY's pose.
Why?
Because I've no idea what she's doing.
lawl at that.
Well, I actually do like how the palm trees and the sky combined , or whatever you call it.
It looks so edited, but actually not.
Good camera, I guess.

And heck, for those who says it doesn't look edited ( none will say that, I think. 'Cause only like... less than 10 people reads my blog. so yeah, whatever.) , I don't give a damn. lawl.

Anyway, it was pretty long ago. Like, June Holidays or something. And I decided to post it up anyway, because I wanna show off my BRIGHT orange boardshorts. Be jealous.

I'm just really envious of people who dares to tell others their blog's url.
I don't know why, but I just really don't dare to tell... well, my blog's url to my friends.
3-5 people, perhaps. And they're my closest friends.
More than 5?
I doubt I can do it.
I don't know, it's just like... there's this wall separating me from all of them.
I just can't seem to push myself in, join in the fun.
I just can't seem to walk in to their circle and /be/ part of it.
Lack of confidence, perhaps.

I'm just really scared of people's opinion of me.
I shall be frank.
I can't take criticisms well.
Narrow-minded?
Petty?
Well, it's not that... it's just that, I don't want people to hate me or dislike me.
I've seen too many of such cases and I don't wanna be like those who I've seen.
It certainly doesn't feel good at all. And I don't wanna get hurt.
Let's just say, I'm really dependent on people...
If I'm hated by people, who can I count on?
Who can I pour my troubles out to?
Who... just, who will be there?
I'm a worrier. If there's such word.

I know I sounded really selfish when I said I need people to be there for me.
But I said that confidently knowing that /I/, myself, will be there for them if they ever need me.
Well, but let's be frank...
In this harsh society, everyone needs friends.
Yeah, family will always be there for you, that's always true...
but, in the outside world?
You'll need friends.
And for me, my outside world = school.
I can't survive without friends, seriously.
I can't stand walking to school alone.
I can't stand being in class alone.
Because it scares me.
It really does.
It just seems as though people are all looking at me with eyes that smiles in a... negative way.
People who're talking within themselves always seems to be, in my eyes, talking about me.
People who're laughing and just happens to look at my direction, the thought of " They must be saying something about me, that's why they laughed. Did I do something stupid? Or..." just straightaway rush into my mind, like as though I really did do something stupid.

I try my best to cover up my bad points. I try my best not to be in anyone's blacklist.
Sometimes, I try so hard that I don't even know if this is the real me.
It's suffocating, it's terrible.
I'm just really afraid of not being accepted for who I am...
I know, friends'd probably be offended by what I've written... because it sounds like I've no trust in anyone.
But please, forgive me, for I'm really... really afraid.
I've seen so many of these things happening that I'm afraid I might be one of them someday.
But I know true friends never judge.
I've true friends.
For that, I'm glad.

I really need you guys.
Because... I don't know...
without you guys, I don't know what will happen to me.
Without you all, I'll never be who I am today. ( CORNY LA.)
and my family, of course, I love them.
They gave me a chance to love, cherish and a chance to know you all.
And they are always there for me.
I don't know...
words can't explain just how grateful and touched by just a simple " What happened?" from people who cares about me.

Starting from my Dad, whenever he sees me looking sad ( even if I'm not ), he will ask, in Chinese, " Fa sheng she me shi? gen peng you chao jia ah?"
Man, I need tissues.
I don't know... it's like... I've always been so naughty and I even talk back... but... in my lowest point of my life, my Dad's there. A sentence of concern, or even just a word, will make you burst out in tears even if you've been trying so damn hard to keep the tears from flowing down.
I'm never good in words. I'm never good at expressing how I feel...
But... I don't know... tears are like making my vision blur now.. damn it.
I love you, Dad.

Next, my brother.
We quarrel, we fight, we stopped talking to each other whenever a quarrel gets serious. Butstill, nothing can break the bond we have cultivated ( o.o ) for 16 years as siblings.
Whenever I cry, or whenever he sees me cry, he will say... " ku lai zuo mo? she me dou ku ku ku." I don't know la, but to me, it's rather embarrassing to have parents and siblings see you crying.
My bro has his way of comforting people. And in my case or so it seems to me, he simply doesn't seem to care. Yeah, it's like, what the heck.
But, I must say, our gan qing is quite okay la. We don't have really serious quarrels, we don't fight, 'cause mainly he's either using the computer or talking on the phone... and me, watching television. So we've nothing to quarrel about.
But he's responsible. He helps me ta pao food. 'Cause I'm simply too lazy to go downstairs. At least, he cares la.

Next Next.
H.A.R.P.L.Y
This group of girls ( excluding Liyana, 'cause sec3 then know her. xD ) , made me cry on a day which I can't remember, in secondary 2 eoy holidays.
Why?
BECAUSE WE WERE ALL SEPARATED TO DIFFERENT CLASSES.
and god knows HOW MUCH I MISS THEM. 'Though I get to see them like, almost everyday.
Still, times and memories we shared will keep me sane. (:
There're more memories waiting for us to create!
eh, it's like turning into a romance novel or something.
I love you guys. (:

Next Next Next.
Kuan Ting, xiong di forever, remember? hahaha.
Leos, short-hairstyles, same bags, roughly the same height ( 1 or 2 cm difference ONLYYY.), loves Jacky Cheung, gets crazy together, laugh like crazy everytime we goof around.
'Nuff said. (:
Not enough, actually.
Hm, if I say... something mushy like... " I'M SO GLAD I MET YOU! FRIENDS FOREVERRR!!"
it'll still be an understatement to how glad I actually am, to be able to meet you, know you, and be friends like now. (:
You're always there for me, supporting me, stand by me, stand up for me, scold others for me, ( lawl@ that. ), giving me advice, making me laugh... and everything..
I cherish it. Really.
'Though I can't say it in person ( you know exactly how it feels like. xD ), I'd like to say that, what I've written here are things I'd really love and wish to say in person.
But just couldn't do it.
So, please forgive and hopefully, forget. xDD
Thanks alot. For everything.
I'm willing to be your golden retriever. AHAHA. (:


Alright, I'm done with this post.
And I've no idea how " I just couldn't seem to tell people my blog url." can turn out ending this way. Random, much?
(:
Cheerios.

Alright.
I just wanna address this problem called "Twittish Language".
Well, more and more people are starting to use that language and I've no idea why. Yeah, I admit, there was this period of time, like, 5 minutes?, I tried typing using the 'twittish' way. But it was just for entertainment's sake. For God's sake, I'll NEVER type like that for more than um, 5 minutes.

I don't know. But from what I've seen and come across, majority of the people who typed in the 'twittish' way are, sadly /and/ embarrassingly, girls.
Well, of course, if guys type like that, they're either gay or ... TWITS.

Wait wait wait. Count those who talked or typed like this just purely for fun, out.

" ii miishhx euus worrs. euu gortts miishhx mii marhhs? ii lubb euu worrs. iish [Insert name here] larhx, hahax. "
Omg, I can't type like that any longer.
Told you, not more than 5 minutes.

I seriously don't know what's wrong with people who types like that. How long will it take you to type in PROPER English? For goodness sake, it takes even longer to type like a twit. Oh, maybe /you're/ a twit, that's why you can type like that without difficulties.
Having people who types like twits in this society, is just SUCH A WASTE OF RESOURCES.
Why study, when you can make up your own words?
And, why study, when you start changing and modifying the spelling of the words you've learnt?
Might as well just go make up words of your own instead of using the original English Language and modify it.

You know, one most common explanation these people give when asked why they typed like that, is: Faster marhx.
Faster, my foot.
It may be faster in your eyes, but to the people who are reading, it's like, trying to read a foreign language or something. If given a choice, I'd rather go take up other languages than this stupid 'twittish' language, seriously.
It shouldn't even be classified as a language, my bad.
It should be called... Acting CUTE skill #1
But it certainly certainly CERTAINLY doesn't make you seem cute if you type like that.
Hence, 'Act' is added in front of the word 'cute'. (:
And I see no reason why some people think it's cute to type in that, um, DAMNHELLAIRRITATINGANDANNOYING way.

Is it that cute to add a 'x' behind almost every word? Is it cute to make every word seems like a plural form? Is it that cute to make people try so hard to understand what the hell you're talking about? Is it that cute to well, act cute?
Trying too hard, my dears.
Trying too hard will get you nowhere.
If you're born with cuteness, then good for you.
If you're not, get over it.
Don't even try to act.
It's pointless, seriously.
Makes people hate you.
Instead of achieving the "I love you, you're soooo cute!" replies from people, you'll get something like this, in a sarcastic tone, of course, " Woahhs. Sho cutex worrs. euu shudd go diex diex lerhs larhx. hehex."

Scram, twits.

If you can't read.

Yesterday, I went to this particular shopping mall's particular floor's washroom.
And I was, as I always do, standing at the washing hands area, and washed my hands.
I'm a professional hand-washer. o.o
'Kay, anyway...
I was just looking around...
and TO MY HORROR, I saw a lady... perhaps around her fifties, standing at the hand-dryer area, drying her boots.
HER BOOTS. DRYING. AT A HAND-DRYER. DAMN IT.
And, for me, I think it's rather okay to dry whatever you want( not literally.) under those kinda old hand-dryers.
But, the hand-dryer I saw... was those type, where you put both your hands in and the wind thingy will start drying your hands.
AND THAT LADY PUT HER BOOTS THERE.
and those boots are those black rubber boots. Ew.

And now, who'd dare to dry their hands, man.
All the cleaniness, hygiene... are gone, all thanks to the boots and MORE thanks to that lady in her fifties.

Hey c'mon, even if you can't read the words: "Hand-Dryer" , you could at least look at the picture, right?
From what I know , the hand-dryer has got this picture of two tiny hands there.
And, /if/ you can't read, there's nothing I can do about it.
BUT, I'M SURE YOU CAN SEE, YEAH?
What's so difficult to understand from the picture of two tiny hands?
It sure doesn't look like BOOTS.

Oh, the horror.
I'm never gonna use the hand-dryer there.
And the washrooms should probably have some "Dry whatever you want" (literally) dryer installed. heh.

Can't stand inconsiderate people.
USE YOUR BRAIN.

Is it better to cry alone or cry on someone's shoulder?
I asked about... 5-10 people that question.
And I still haven't find out what my answer is.

Quite pointless la, but I'm just curious.

Crying alone...
may seems really... lonely but it's a way people hide the weak side of them.
And, some people might say " Why affect other people's mood too?"
and so, they prefer to cry alone.
Crying alone, gives you time to think, reflect. Whereas, crying on someone's shoulder, you'll just be comforted by the person whose shoulder you're crying on. Not to say that you can't reflect on what happened, but just that, crying on someone's shoulder is more of... seeking company, consolation and warmth. ( How corny does that sound? D: )

Crying alone... 'though gives you time to reflect and all, it still has it's downside. Quite alot, actually. But to me la, my opinion.
Sometimes, when I'm all alone, crying, I'll start thinking of... who I really wish to be just right beside. He or she doesn't really have to do anything... Just stay beside me, that's all I ask for.
I don't know why, but I think having someone around sometimes... there'll be this... 'magical' thingy that... just calms you down and yeah... I guess what I'm trying to say is that... It's always comforting to know that someone's there for you.

Heh, but sometimes, beside wanting the company, consolation and warmth, sometimes, I just want that particular person whom I wish is beside me, to truly understand what I'm going through, what makes me cry and the real side of me. And hopefully, find the right words that I really really wanna hear at that time.

Weak la, I know.
Everyone has a weak side of them, anyway.

Aiya, I think I know my answer liao.
And that is, it feels better to cry on someone's shoulder.
But not sure about how the person whose shoulder is being cried on, feels.
Maybe need to bring spare tops.